Love / Sex / Dating

Issue 13 | The Charismatic Leader

Artisan Performer ESFP - Marilyn Monroe


Fast forward to the 21st century, and you find that not much has changed. Human beings of the 1st century all the way through the 21st century are pretty much the same when it comes to sex. What has changed, however, is that what is available today, and how easily it can be accessed is significantly different. Quality, quantity, and variety has risen substantially.

In coming up with this next section you are about to read, we consulted with leading sexologists, therapists, and other experts and authors in the field to collaborate. We also surveyed and interviewed thousands of people of different temperaments of various life stages, cultures, religious backgrounds, and sexual orientations to capture our findings. You may find that some of the content pushes the edge, and it may even be uncomfortable for you to read. We forewarned you in the Letter from Keirsey at the very front of the issue, but, we thought we’d warn you again. You should know that we are not condoning nor condemning what is here below. And obviously, we recognize that sex is far more complex, and can’t really be put into narrow boxes.

Although we have broadly categorized the perspectives on sex into the four temperaments, we have found that when it comes to sex, depending on how you were raised, what you have been exposed to, what religious beliefs you have, and what your sexual history looks like, your attitudes may differ from your temperament type. So we don’t see this as, “What’s your sexual temperament type?”

Instead of trying to figure out which one temperament type you fit into below, we would suggest that you rank order the descriptions below from 1st to 4th. We would also suggest you openly discuss this with your partner, to find out their preferences. Our hope is that you will gain a better perspective on yourself and others when it comes to sex. Here we go.

For the Idealist,
(generally speaking),
sex is "Emotional..."

It’s all about connecting at the deepest levels. Sex for Idealists is all about the romance. It’s soulful, beautiful, tender, intimate, and even spiritual. Sex without love feels empty and meaningless. It takes more than just hormones. For Idealists, their heart needs to be touched, their emotions needs to be stirred. Sex is an expression of themselves, and it’s about bonding. It’s about becoming one with someone, sharing in each other’s essence. It’s to love, and to be loved deeply. It’s to be enthralled, fully immersed, and overtaken. An orgasm is an experience where body, heart, soul, and mind climax together in harmony; where feelings are not just physical, but intensely engage the spirit. It is not totally uncommon for Idealists to cry in delight, or to be overwhelmed with emotion when they are having sex. And that’s because the experience is far more than just sex. It’s far more than just pleasure. Every touch, every glance, and every gesture means something more. Idealists are sentimental, and so sex is really an overflow and culmination of love for each other. It’s the organic integration of everything between two people. It’s merging one’s ideality with another’s to create the dream that’s meant to be. It’s about surrendering to destiny as you journey together.

"We WAste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.”
- tom robbins

For the Guardian,
(generally speaking),
sex is "Biological..."

It’s about the do’s and the don’ts. Sex for the Guardian doesn’t just happen spontaneously. It’s more likely to happen during peak periods of the month. Or when there is an incentive (i.e. trying to get pregnant). Sex is earned when a sequence of rituals, rules, and expectations are met. For Guardians, sex isn’t provided on demand. Sex is more like slow cooking in a crock pot. It’s not a grill, nor cooking on a skillet, and certainly not a quick microwave. It takes time and preparation. It follows an order of steps: (1) Schedule date night and make restaurant reservations; (2) Prepare romantic stuff (i.e. flowers, gifts, sexy lingerie, wear something fancy); (3) Take care of all logistics so that there’s nothing to worry about while on the date (i.e. work is complete, errands are run, dishes are done, house is clean, dog’s been fed, etc.); (4) Have a romantic dinner, where you drink an appropriate amount of alcohol, and engage in conversations where feelings are shared while flirting and displaying chivalry; (5) Kiss before going home. (This is important because it gets them ready for the next level); (6) Wash up and get ready for bed. (This is about taking care of logistics); (7) Kiss some more and engage in further foreplay to get naked and reach arousal; (8) Have sex. (Make sure that both partners orgasm. For Guardians, fairness matters. It’s to serve, and to be served well.) (9) Cuddle; (10) Put on pajamas, drink some water, use the restroom, and engage in pillow talk until you fall asleep. Regularly scheduled date nights lead to regular sex. It’s called planned spontaneity.

"Sexuality surrounDS us like
a dangerous aura. the same reverence that is given to the spirit is not given to the flesh. We have had a sexual revolution, but the sexual revolution only has made sex more pervasive. it hasn’t granted the level of reverence and respect that it should have.”
- gioconda belli

For the Artisan,
(generally speaking),
sex is "PHYSICAL"

It’s all about physical pleasure. Sex for Artisans is primal. It’s instinctual, passionate, hot, lustful, even animalistic. Sometimes, it’s just scratching an itch, sometimes it’s about giving into raging desires. Artisans love sex. They desire to be sexy, to be sexual, to be sexually provocative, and to have sex appeal. For Artisans, sexuality is expressed through the way they approach the world. It’s in all facets of their physical appearance. They do anything that will make them more physically attractive. They innately understand what makes them more desirable. It manifests in their fashion, hairstyle, make-up, body-art, accessories, physique, and impressive possessions. They want to stand out. If there’s a type that craves sex more than any other type, it’s the Artisan. Physical attraction is highly intoxicating for them. It feels electric, and the desire for someone that is sexually attractive feels insatiable, irresistible, ecstatic, seductive, erotic, and can be extremely addictive. When Artisans engage in sex, they dive in with all of their hunger. To be bad, naughty, and fall into the forbidden. Sex is about experiencing something that’s pretty damn amazing. It’s to f***, and to be f***ed explosively. It’s to be utterly uninhibited, experiencing pleasure to the max.

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go it’s pretty damn good.”
- woody allen

For the Rational,
(generally speaking),
sex is “psychological…”

It’s all in the mind. Sex for Rationals is not just physical stimulation. Discourse comes before intercourse. It doesn’t matter how hot, how stunning, or sexy the prospect, no brains means it ain’t going to happen. That’s because chemistry for the Rational starts with the intellect. Flirtation occurs through wit, banter, and a connection of the minds. It’s to know, and to be known intensely. Mutual “mindsturbation” is foreplay. In other words, before a Rational decides whether they’re going to let you f*** their brains out, they need to know that you have a brain, and that your brains connect. Sex is about power, it’s about evolution, always exploring to seek new and better ways to experience pleasure that transcends what common folks have. Sex is creative. It’s meant to be a challenge to advance to another level from the last time. Rationals always seek to learn, so they are constantly seeking to discover, to know, to improve, and to be better than anybody else. Rationals think with the head above the neck before engaging with what’s below. Whether male or female, irrespective of sexual orientation, Rationals seek to orchestrate mind blowing experiences. They want sex to transcend the hum drum daily grind. They figure that if they’re going to have a sex life, that it ought be the best life it can be.

"But, in fact, a person's sexual choice is the result and sum of their fundamental convictions. tell me what a person finds sexually attractive and i will tell you their entire philosophy of life. show me the person they sleep with and i will tell you their valuation of themselves.”
- ayn rand

Different Kinds of Crazy

“Why do people go insane, crazy, sick, mad, or bonkers? And does it manifest differently based on one’s temperament?” In this article, we’re going to address these two questions. And we’re going to use dating as the backdrop to provide some examples on how Keirsey’s theory of madness plays out.

Why It’s Complicated for Idealists to Date

Idealists love to be in love. They yearn to find their soulmate, the perfect one that’s meant for them. They believe in signs, destiny, romance, and true love. They love to love others, so they love to date.